Asking for examples in a conflict can be challenging. It becomes productive when approached with genuine curiosity and a desire to learn and grow together.
Consul advises avoiding "but" to prevent a rift. Instead, say, "I understand your upset. Can I share my perspective?" #BetterCommunication
Using "this again?" dismisses your partner's concerns and creates defensiveness. It undermines the conversation and implies superiority, causing frustration.
"When you say 'I'm sorry you feel that way,' you shift blame to your partner. Instead, say 'I'm sorry I made you feel that way' or 'I'm sorry I upset you.'"
Invalidating partner's feelings drives disconnection. Instead, ask, "What makes you upset? Help me understand so I can support you.
Rephrase: "How can I understand and address your feelings if comparing our partners to our friends' partners is upsetting to you?"
Genuine conversation helps partners let go. Understand their perspective, apologize if needed, collaborate, and give it time for resolution.
Telling your partner to calm down backfires. They feel misunderstood and may withdraw. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and offer support.